Your lunch hour time waster

Why you can't outrun a cheetah.

Miami Beach Police have a message for Urban Beach revelers: 'Leave your guns at home.'

Miami Beach Police have also instituted a strict dress code for this
year's Urban Beach Week festivities.

"We are asking everyone not to bring any weapons even if they have a [concealed carry permit], it would be best to allow the Police to do the enforcement and keep the peace. " -Miami Beach Police Capt. Enrique Doce

______

If you're planning on heading over to Miami Beach this weekend for the Urban Beach festivities and you're not sure what to expect, Miami Beach police spokesman Sgt. Bobby Hernandez sums it very nicely: "It will be a carbon copy of last year."

For starters, there will be a massive police presence all weekend on the Beach with officers from sixteen separate Miami-Dade police agencies assisting Miami Beach police in keeping order.

Add to that a "traffic plan" that begins at 7am Friday morning and that remains in effect until 7am Tuesday morning, and you've got all the makings of a fun weekend. Especially if you love sitting in traffic for hours.

But wait! It gets better!

Police are inviting everyone to a special "meet and greet" that starts this Friday night at 7pm on the MacArthur Causeway at Watson Island. To get you in the right mood, my advice is to have three or four drinks before you get there.

On a serious note, Hernandez is 100% correct. Miami Beach Police don't plan on deviating from last year's successful strategy which includes license readers stationed throughout the city, saturation DUI patrols, and strict enforcement of anti-noise and open container ordinances.

Miami Beach Police Captain Enrique Doce offers this additional advice:

No bottles, cans, glass, Styrofoam containers on the beach, no alcohol, no littering, no drinking in public. Anyone with an open liquor bottle/can, will be asked to pour it out and throw the container away. Narcotics violations will be dealt with and state laws will be enforced as well. The traffic laws should be followed so drivers even on scooters need to follow all traffic laws. Do not block the box, no driving scooters between cars, no parking scooters on sidewalks and please keep your car stereos to a reasonable level.

Any questions?

Click image to enlarge.

Oklahoma tornado survivor finds her dog in rubble of her home

Click here to learn how to help the Oklahoma tornado victims.

The way we were...The McDuffie Riots and the aftermath

From the Miami News, 33 years ago today: Miami cleans up after a weekend of deadly rioting - the deadliest in the city's history -  following the acquittal of five Metro police officers who were standing trial in Tampa, charged with the beating death of black motorcyclist Arthur McDuffie.

The toll: 18 dead, scores injured, hundreds arrested and $100 million in damage. 

Miami News cartoon by Don Wright, May 20, 1980.

May 20, 1980.

Miami News, May 20, 1980.
(Click here to enlarge.)

______


Video below from WTVJ, May 17, 1980. (Starts at 1:55)

A perfect fit...Allen West joins Fox News

Click to enlarge.

News item: Allen West joins Fox News as contributor.

Is anyone really surprised?

(1) “YOU ARE NOT A LADY”: In July 2011, West responded to a perceived slight from Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (R-FL) with a fiery letter in which he threatened her and scolded, “You have proven repeatedly that you are not a Lady, therefore, shall not be afforded due respect from me!” West later said he had apologized, but Wasserman-Schultz said she had not received one.

(2) JOSEPH GOEBBELS WOULD “BE VERY PROUD” OF DEMOCRATS: In December, West told reporters, “If Joseph Goebbels was around, he’d be very proud of the Democrat party, because they have an incredible propaganda machine.” The link to Goebbels, Adolf Hitler’s Minister of Propaganda from 1933 to 1945, drew criticism from several members of Congress, the Anti-Defamation League, and others.

(3) LIBERALS “GET THE HELL OUT”: Speaking at the Palm Beach County GOP’s Lincoln Day Dinner in last month, West said of liberals, “Take your message of equality of achievement. … You can take it to Europe, you can take it to the bottom of the sea, you can take it to the North Pole, but get the hell out of the United States of America.” West later tried to walk back the statement, claiming he was only referring to “the message” and not liberals themselves.

(4) “A THREAT TO THE GENE POOL”: In a July 2011 post on the website Red Country, West wrote, “I must confess, when I see anyone with an Obama 2012 bumper sticker, I recognize them as a threat to the gene pool.”

(5) “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU”: Before running for Congress, West had a 22-year career in the military, but left after he abused an Iraqi detainee: “This is it. I’m going to count to five again, and if you don’t give me what I want, I’m going to kill you.” He then fired a shot “a foot” over the detainee’s head.

Click here for more Allen West quotes.

May 16, 2013, 3:08 pm

Last news meeting in the Miami Herald newsroom at One Herald Plaza.

Photograph by Al Diaz.
(Click here to enlarge.)

_____

The way we were...Jay Maeder's People Column in the Miami Herald

_____

Today is the Miami Herald's last day at One Herald Plaza.(Will someone please remember to turn out the lights?)

The paper has gone through a lot of changes over the years, and editorially it bears little resemblance to the Herald many of us remember from 20 or 30 years ago.

Want proof?

Check this morning's Herald and see if you can find anything like these wickedly funny items from Jay Maeder's People Column that ran on page 2A in the early 80s.

For those of you too young to remember Maeder, here's how Glenn Garvin described him in a 2002 column:

1975: Herald reporter Jay Maeder gets part-time work as a Nazi zombie in an el cheapo horror movie, "Shock Waves," being filmed in Key Biscayne and Coral Gables. (Co-stars: Peter Cushing, John Carradine and Brooke Adams.) When the film opens, Maeder reviews it and praises his own performance (at 1:28 in video above) as "brilliant . . . sensitive . . . plumbing as it does the subtle nuances of the human condition.'' Maeder's skillful impression of a murderous Nazi promptly catapults him into management, and he eventually becomes the Herald's People columnist.

_____

HOW MUCH HIM FELLA DOG IN WINDOW?

May 28, 1982

Well, what do you want to do this weekend? We don't know, what do you want to do this weekend? Say, we've got it. Let's fly down to the Philippines and eat some dog. You know what a delicacy dog is down in the Philippines. Not at your better hotels, we grant you, you don't walk into the Metropolitan Manila Hilton and take a table and announce "I believe I'll have the dog." or "Just the dog for me, thanks." or things like that. What you do is you go up-country and find a little luncheonette built out of rusty Coca-Cola signs and you rub your belly and point at your mouth and if the proprietor still gives you a blank look you go "Arf. Ralph. Owooo." a couple of times and then the proprietor says "Ah." and he brings you a steaming bowl of dog. They love their dog in the Philippines, have for years, and some say dog is actually quite tasty. If you like that sort of thing.


_____

TAKE TWO ASPIRIN AND CALL ME IN THE MORNING

December 17, 1984

In Lewistown, Pa., this weekend, dumfounded physicians were fixing to make some kinda medical history in the case of a 600- pound woman who has been discovered to be suffering from a 250- pound ovarian cyst. Nothing like this was ever discussed back in med school and the physicians aren't real sure what they're supposed to do with this patient and at press time they were bringing in steamshovels and forklifts and stuff and preparing to operate or something. This is about the most disgusting story we've ever heard in our life, frankly, and we don't believe we're going to continue this item another minute.


_____

SHAGGY DOG STORY

September 7, 1983

And now, a funny animal photo for you young people. Here's a dog with a metal arrow through his head. Ha. Ha. Can you put a metal arrow through your dog's head? Do this right now. Tell mommy we said it was OK. Actually, this is just a joke picture, and this dog is wearing one of those trick arrows that does not actually go through his head. The item is one of the things on sale at an arts and crafts festival up in Lakeland, Ga.


_____

SHAGGY DEAD WORM STORY

July 22, 1983

In Johnson City, Tenn., this week, meanwhile, they're going ahead with plans for The Second Annual International Worm Race despite last year's grim tragedy that saw the accidental deaths of most of the contestants. Last year's worms, it seems, were laid down to race on what proved to a blistering hot summer's sidewalk. "We fried them," sighs race official Miss Louise Dorton. Once the grand marshals realized what was happening on the speedway, they turned on water hoses to cool things down and proceeded to drown most of the remaining worms. Johnson Cityans "learned a little about life that day." remembers race official Miss Martha Reilly.


_____

SHAGGY BEAR STORY

July 2, 1983

So life is just one exciting time after another when you're a March Of Dimes poster kid and little Miss Lela Taylor was happily looking forward to posing for pictures with the nice man in the bear suit up in Chicago the other day. Except it turned out that the bear was a real bear, 250 pounds of large Syrian man-eater from the Circus Vargas. Nobody had told Little Miss Lela it was going to be a real bear. You've got to be kidding, she said, and she proceeded to scream and kick and bawl and refuse to cooperate with any of the photographers until after they called mom over to the hotel. Mom fixed things, mopped up the sniffles, sent the kid back into session ready to shoot, and Miss Lela patted away at the bear while everybody got their March Of Dimes pictures. Did you know this is March Of Dimes Telethon Weekend? This is March Of Dimes Telethon Weekend.


_____

THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD

August 24, 1983

Did you know that there's an active Ku Klux Klan chapter in Southern California that stalks black television stars? Young Mr. Todd Bridges of Diff'rent Strokes reports that the KKK has been shooting rifles at him and showing up at his front door with baseball bats and leaving threatening notes on his windshield and he's had to put his Canoga Park home up for sale. So this is why he carries around a loaded .45, he explains. Young Mr. Bridges has been explaining this now that Beverly Hills police have charged him with carrying a concealed weapon. Cops found the piece in his Porsche after they stopped him for speeding and running a red light. He goes to court shortly. "They got John Lennon, they could get me." says young Mr. Bridges.


_____

GRAVY TRAIN

September 24, 1983

On the save-the-animals front, it develops that Miss Brigitte Bardot, the noted saver of animals, has lately become aware that Polynesian people eat dogs, and she finds this barbaric and shocking. This week she press-conferenced in France to announce that she intends to call world attention to this situation and maybe get sanctions imposed against the Polynesian people until they agree not to eat dogs no more. Miss Bardot was joined at her press conference by a small, fat, juicy friend.

Photo: Brigitte Bardot with dog.

The Random Pixels Losers Corner welcomes....

Click here to enlarge.

UPDATE: Jeff Tavss sends me this email: One more thing that the higher ups just reminded me of… you got the title wrong. I’m Executive Producer, Digital & Social Media, not Director of Social Media. Just an FYI to make the article better. Jeff Tavss, Executive Producer, Digital & Social Media | jtavss@wplg.com

....Jeff Tavss, Local 10's Director of Social Media Executive Producer, Digital & Social Media.

If you've ever wondered who's responsible for maintaining the Facebook pages of local TV stations, wonder no more. 

Meet Jeff Tavss.

Jeff is the guy at Local 10 who's responsible for those bright, chatty items you see all day long on Local 10's Facebook page.

I like Local 10's Facebook page because it offers fascinating snapshot of Miami and the supposed intelligence of its inhabitants.

After all, why would anyone want to listen to NPR or read the New York Times when you can have an idiot like Jeff Tavss pick and post items about the day's news for you?

Make no mistake...this is "News By Idiots, For Idiots." And Local 10's Facebook page has 68,520 idiots "likes."

Jeff posts important news. Like this recent item about SHARKS SWIMMING in the ocean!!!

Jeff likes to use lots of CAPITALIZED WORDS and EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!! Sharks in the ocean? Who knew?

(Jeff, have you submitted this item to the Pulitzer board?)

Click to enlarge.

(Jeff would have you to believe that he posts news. But in reality his job is to post "click bait.")

Here's the text of an item Jeff posted just today: "BYE BYE, BULLS! Time to blow the Bulls back to The Windy City!!! SERIES OVER... TONIGHT! Let's Go Heat!!! SHARE if you're ready FOR THE NEXT ROUND!!!" You can tell he's pumped!!!!

But the only thing more idiotic and insipid than Jeff's Facebook posts, are the comments left by his readers.

Here's one posted by a reader in response to the story about a Miami Beach man who tied his son to a pole: "Make that muthfuka suffer. U don't do that to ur kids." See, just like the comments you see on the New York Times website. Intelligent and full of insight.

But Jeff wasn't always Local 10's social media director. For many years he was a producer in Local 10's sports department.

Here are a few pictures of Jeff, hard at work acting like an idiot at the 2009 FedEx BCS National Championship Game.

Actually, it appears that instead of working as a professional journalist like he was supposed to be doing, Jeff spent the entire game running around getting his picture taken like some imbecilic jock sniffer.

Hey, Jeff! Professional "journalists" don't act like this....

....or this. (Jeff with Carlos Dunlap.)

In a particularly nauseating and self-aggrandizing moment on the sidelines,
Jeff sucks up to Orange Bowl CEO Eric Poms.

So, Jeff....welcome to the Random Pixels Losers Corner. We've been saving a seat just for you!