Cain: OK guys, tell me again about Miami.
Campaign aide: Well, Herman...Miami is very important. Cuban-Americans make up a good part of the population. Most Cuban-Americans are Republicans. Miami also happens to be in the state's most populous county. So, we need the Cuban vote if we want to win Florida.
Cain: So, what language do these Cubans speak? Cuban? I don't know any damn Cuban words.
Aide: Don't worry about that Herman...actually they speak Spanish. All you have to do when you meet a Cuban is say "hola." Say that a lot and you'll be fine.
Cain: What does "hola" mean?
Aide: It means "hello." Say "hola" and smile a lot. They eat that sh*t up. And if they ask you anything, just say "gracias" and smile some more.
Cain: "Grassy ass?" What the hell does that mean?
Aide: It means thank you.
Cain: Hmmmm, grassy ass...I like that word!
Cain: Now, one more thing...I want you to keep the f**king press away from me. Those Libya questions in Milwaukee had me sweating bullets.
Aide: Don't have to worry about that boss man. Most of the reporters in Miami are a bunch of rubes anyway. We'll take care of them. Besides, we learned our lesson in Milwaukee; what could possibly go wrong?
Miami is the new Milwaukee.
(Click here to read Caputo's story on Cain's Miami visit.)