Marc Sarnoff is a big, fat idiot!

You'd think that the folks who sit on the Miami city commission would have their hands full just keeping the wheels from coming off the wagon over at City Hall.

Just today we learn that, according to the Herald, "Miami employees spent tens of thousands of taxpayer dollars using city credit cards on DirecTV for a vehicle, binoculars to keep tabs on employee activities, even on a pink metallic dog collar."

It's an understatement to call Miami a Banana Republic.

Miami is so corrupt that on some days it makes the government of Somalia look positively functional by comparison.

But don't tell that to Commissioner Marc Sarnoff.

He's busy burnishing his image. Because, for a Miami politician that's a full-time job.

But let's start at the beginning.

The other day, the guy who publishes a blog called Coconut Grove Grapevine, posted an item about the ongoing debate that's taking place in the Grove surrounding a push by some to extend bar closing times from 3am to 5am.

(Commissioner Sarnoff apparently believes that if people can't get shit-faced enough by 3am, then they shouldn't be drinking in the first place.)

One of the blog's readers - calling himself "Marc Sarnoff" - posted a comment that took a shot at the real Sarnoff. The comment was clearly satirical, which should have been evident, even to someone as intellectually challenged as Sarnoff apparently is.

Dear City of Miami,

I fully support drinking and driving after 3am even if it claims the lives of others as long as your drunk driving does not take place in my neighborhood,

xoxo

Marc Sarnoff

What did Sarnoff do?

He did what any lawyer would do. He hired another lawyer, who in turn, fired off a threatening letter to the blogger.

On behalf of Commissioner Sarnoff, I demand that you remove and formally retract the defamatory and libelous statements immediately.

(We here at Random Pixels have seen these kinds of mountains-out-molehill letters from attorneys.)

Apparently Sarnoff - who is an attorney but who isn't gay - and his high-priced lawyer Jay Solowsky, didn't attend class in law school on the day the First Amendment and free speech were discussed. If they had, they would have learned that satire and parody are protected forms of speech, no matter how crude and outlandish. At least that's what the Supreme Court said. I assume you've heard of them Mr. Sarnoff?

Sarnoff could have done the sensible thing and contacted the blog owner and politely asked him to remove the offending comment.

But no! He had to come on like an a**hole; getting lots of richly desrved attention in the process.

Gus Garcia-Roberts at Miami New Times is also doing his part to make sure the pot gets stirred as much as possible.

In a post today on Riptide, Garcia-Roberts invited readers to "to do your best Marc Sarnoff impression in this comments section."

Marc Sarnoff says:
What are Boy-Shorts?

Posted On: Wednesday, Feb. 3 2010 @ 10:09AM

Way to go Marc! Now everyone knows that you're a total loser!

'Burn Notice' producers remind Marc Sarnoff that TV explosions are fake

Exactly 30 years ago this month - in August of 1982 - a Miami City Commissioner told the producers of the movie "Scarface" to rewrite the film's script. If they refused, he would ask his fellow commission members to ban the production from filming on Miami streets and city-owned property.

REWRITE OR BE BANNED, SCARFACE PRODUCER TOLD

by JAY DUCASSI
Miami Herald Staff Writer
August 21, 1982

If it was up to Miami City Commissioner Demetrio Perez Jr., Al Pacino would play a Castro spy rather than a Mariel refugee turned dope-smuggler in the remake of "Scarface."

Perez, concerned that the film will hurt the image of Cuban exiles, wants Pacino to play not just any Mariel refugee, but a Communist agent, infiltrated into the United States by the Fidel Castro government.

If producer Martin Bregman...doesn't go along, Perez said Friday that he may ask the City Commission to prohibit the filming of Scarface on city property and city streets.

Bregman called the proposal "preposterous."

"That's not what the picture is," the producer said from his New York City office Friday night. "If Perez wants to write a screenplay about an evil, Communist gangster, let him write it and submit it to me."

In the end, "Scarface" producers settled for filming a few scenes in South Florida before moving the rest of the production - and their money - to California.

But one current Miami commissioner apparently doesn't remember the "Scarface" debacle, or is choosing ignore what happens when government officials decide to get involved in re-writing screenplays.

Commissioner Marc Sarnoff wants to tear down the Coconut Grove Convention Center, where the TV show "Burn Notice" has been filmed for 6 years.

"Burn Notice" producers want to stay put.

According to the Miami Herald, Sarnoff made this offer to the show's producers:

The show can stay at the convention center through October 2013 rent free — but only if it demolishes the building at the end of the season and carts away the trash. The demolition, which will cost around $500,000, would have otherwise eaten into the $1.8 million budgeted for the park, Sarnoff said.

Sarnoff said the proposal was “well received.” He envisions the explosion being written into the show.

“How cool would it be for them to blow up the convention center in the last episode?” he said. [emphasis mine.]

Sarnoff's proposal was met with, what can best be described as polite bemusement, from a spokesperson for the show's parent company, Fox Television.

According to Miami Today, Fox studio spokesperson Leslie Oren said this: "While the special effects on "Burn Notice' are great, the production does not actually blow up buildings. [emphasis mine.] I am sure the City of Miami knows that we wouldn't, under any circumstances, blow up the Coconut Grove Convention Center."

The negotiations between the city and the show's producers continue.

In an August 2 press release, Sarnoff reiterated his desire for "Burn Notice " producers to foot the cost of demolishing the convention center:

City of Miami Commissioner Marc D. Sarnoff met with Burn Notice executive producer Terry Miller today and tentatively agreed to concessions that would extend the hit television show’s lease at the Coconut Grove EXPO Center for an additional year.

Pending approval from Burn Notice’s production company, TVM Productions Inc., the company will substantially cover the cost of the demolition of the EXPO Center once filming of the upcoming season is complete. The new lease agreement must also be approved by a simple majority of the City of Miami Commission.

“The concessions were well received, and they balanced our stated desire to keep Burn Notice filming in Miami while also advancing the plans to build the park that has long been promised to the citizens of Miami,”Commissioner Sarnoff said.

But Miami Today reports:

"Mr. Sarnoff did offer terms under which production could remain at Coconut Grove," Bob Lemchen, Fox senior vice president of production, said Friday. "These terms are under review, but at this juncture we are not even close to terms that [Fox subsidiary] TVM Productions can accept. Negotiations will continue, but the studio concurrently is exploring alternative production locations, including within Florida as well as outside the state."

Huffington Post: Why Is Miami Trying to Burn "Burn Notice?"

Miami Today: No "Burn Notice" deal yet

Miami New Times: The World according to Demetrio Perez

Spending wasting your tax dollars - a Guide for Dummies

Click image to enlarge.

Big shots at County hall getting $10,000 in "executive benefits."

Millions more spent on 3,000 "take-home cars" for county workers.

3,100 of the county's 27,000 employees hauling down six-figure salaries.

How many more ways could there possibly be to waste your tax dollars?

Frank Alvarado at Miami New Times knows and he's put together a list of eight of the most outrageous examples of wasted taxpayer money in Miami-Dade County.

He started off the series today with a look at how a traffic circle mysteriously appeared one day in front of Miami Commissioner Marc "The Shark" Sarnoff's Coconut Grove home

In 2001, Marc Sarnoff was president of the Center Coconut Grove Homeowners Association. He complained to city and county road planners that he needed a traffic circle to slow traffic in front of his two houses. Their response: the four way stop sign at Virginia Street and Shipping Avenue did a fine job. Six years later, newly elected City Commissioner Sarnoff made the circle one his top priorities.

Alvarado continues Thursday with a look at why the South Dade Cultural Center was a waste of $51 million.

On Friday he takes readers for a ride on the $50 million, 94-foot tall I-95 flyover.

Then on Monday he takes a tour of Raul Martinez's $411,000 monument to Hialeah.

Alvarado tells Random Pixels that the rest of the series will feature a $350,000 park with no parking for cars and a $1.8 million parking lot with no cars!

Follow the series daily at Miami New Times.

Aerial view of "Marc Sarnoff Circle" at Virginia Ave. and Shipping St. in Coconut Grove.

Marc Sarnoff: World's Worst Person!

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Miami city commissioner Marc Sarnoff is shamed on national TV. Congratulations Marc!

From Keith Olbermann's Countdown on MSNBC, July 11, 2010: Runner up, Chairman Marc Sarnoff of the Miami Downtown Development Authority, which has approved and has now asked the Miami City Commission to approve a new ordinance.

It would prohibit, with a fine of $300, unauthorized people and groups from giving food to the homeless.

You heard me, you got a sandwich and you eat half and you want to give the other half to a homeless person, you can be fined.

You want it throw it away while he watches, you`re fine.

Now Mr. Sarnoff assures us that this is meant for groups trying to feed many homeless people at once, except the proposal doesn`t say that. You can take a course in feeding the homeless, which is designed to teach you how to make sure the food is safe to eat and how to clean up the, quote, mess afterward.

OK, here`s a question: the Miami Downtown Development Authority, which apparently believes "Les Miserables" was some sort of instruction manual, can we feed them to the homeless?

Miami Herald to readers: "Let them eat cake" -- Part two

The Miami Downtown Development Authority and its draconian chairman, Marc Sarnoff have a new friend.

Toluse Olorunnipa, (can anyone pronounce that?) a recent transfer to the Miami Herald's real estate beat, is apparently currying favor with the DDA by rewriting their press releases verbatim and getting them printed in the paper under the guise of journalism.

The same DDA, by the way, that's taken what was a once charming downtown Miami, and turned it into canyons of cold steel and concrete. The same DDA whose chair, Marc Sarnoff, was recently called out on national TV for proposing an ordinance that would prohibit "unauthorized people and groups from giving food to the homeless."

We last heard from Olorunnipa when he penned a piece about South Florida Realtors, who are practically trampling each other in order to be the first to sell a home to Miami's newly minted royalty.

In today's Herald, Olorunnipa essentially rewrites a DDA press release that's unencumbered by any original reporting or facts.

Instead, Olorunnipa gives us glowing quotes from the DDA's press release:

``Downtown is an exciting place to be right now, with everything going on, and the report shows that people want to live downtown. They want to live in the heart of the city,'' said Leo Zabezhinsky, the DDA's manager of business development, real estate and research.

Another potential economic stimulator for the area, ... is the arrival of the revamped Miami Heat team at downtown's AmericanAirlines Arena. With LeBron James, Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade promising multiple championships, the effect on AAA's neighborhood could be transformative, said William Talbert III, president and CEO of the Greater Miami Convention and Visitors Bureau.

Olorunnipa, unwilling to spoil the upbeat mood of his puff piece never mentions the "H" word: homelessness, which his pal Marc Sarnoff sees as an impediment to "Miami's Golden Age."

Instead he concludes with this sunny quote from Talbert: "Just think about all the restaurants that are going to open up. You talk about a stimulus package -- that's one."

-thanks to Alfred Spellman for the heads up!

And the Random Pixels award for the most asinine statement of the week....

....goes to Alyce Robertson, Executive Director of the Downtown Development Authority, (DDA).

“As new restaurants open up, there’s really not a need for street vendors.” -Robertson of the DDA as quoted by the Miami Herald speaking in support of a proposed ban on street food vendors in the downtown neighborhood surrounding the AmericanAirlines Arena.

Seems that Robertson, along with her buddy, DDA Chairman Marc Sarnoff, won't be happy until they've swept everyone who makes less than $100,000 a year, off the streets of downtown Miami.

It was Sarnoff, you may remember, who won some dubious national recognition a while back when he pushed for a city ordinance that "would prohibit, with a fine of $300, unauthorized people and groups from giving food to the homeless."

What Robertson - and Sarnoff - don't realize or refuse to accept is that not everyone can afford the overpriced food sold in the AmericanAirlines Arena or at DDA approved downtown restaurants.

Many downtown food vendors eke out a living selling food, not only to Arena-goers, but also to cab drivers, deliverymen, students and tourists.

But the DDA is doing its best to make the already difficult lives of food vendors, even more difficult.

(The irony here is that while the DDA wages war on the homeless and street vendors, the Miami Heat and the Triple-A are two of the biggest freeloading entities in downtown Miami. Last May, CBS4's Jim DeFede reported that "in the last eleven years, Miami Dade County has not received a single penny from the Miami Heat under the revenue sharing provision of their arena contract.")


video by Marc Caputo, Miami Herald
So, congratulations Alyce Robertson of the Downtown Development Authority....your elitist and cynical attitude has earned you the Random Pixels Asshole of the Week award!

Local blogger sucks up to the Herald

Some guy named Tom Falco runs a blog called the Coconut Grove Grapevine.

It wasn't that long ago that Falco was accusing the Miami Herald of plagiarism.

He was so pissed at the Herald for "stealing" his stories that sicced his "lawyer" on them! At least that's what he says.

I chased the local daily newspaper off. Notice they no longer steal my stories and reprint them in their newspaper a few days later? This was going on for a long time and some stories were practically word-for-word, taken from here. My plagiarism lawyer is on top of that.

The next stolen story that appears may have me and the blog in the spotlight, since we will take it to court and the offending writer will probably not have a career in journalism ever again. Since I read them the riot act, the local daily has had no Grove human interest stories since they don't have the brains to go out and get their own and they are forbidden from stealing mine any more.

All this coming from a guy who peed his pants when Commissioner Mark Sarnoff's lawyer sent him a nasty letter a while back.

But that was then and this is now.

Today Falco breathlessly informed his readers that,

"Our stories will be appearing in The Miami Herald. Not all of them and not everywhere. As part of their Community News program, they run stories, with permission, from various news sources, mostly blogs. For instance their Key Biscayne news comes from the Key Biscayne Times as part of the partnership program.

We were approached to do the same thing. We will send them only what we would like them to publish and they have the right of refusal, but basically, they won't publish everything you see here in the Grapevine, just what we choose to send them. The stories will appear in the online edition of the Herald and possibly later on in print editions. The Herald is the number one newspaper website with one million hits a day. We will be right there on their home page next to the main news under "Community News." You can see how they do it here."

Congratulations Tom! But I'm not sure how to take this. Is your blog getting that much better; or has the Herald finally hit rock bottom?

Don't say anything; I already know the answer!

The First Annual Random Pixels Year-end List

It's that time of the year. Year-end list time.

I'm pretty sure I've never done a year-end list before.

But I figured this might be a good time to do one....for no particular reason.

What follows is a list of my favorite posts this past year. I didn't use any criteria in picking them...other than I enjoyed writing them. Maybe you'll see one of your favorites. Enjoy!

January...Photoshop is fun! Proof that Fidel Castro is still alive!

February...the post that almost got filmmaker Billy Corben sent to jail. Billy Corben is on jury duty

March...So Fla's most interesting TV reporter gets into a little scuffle. WPLG Reporter Bob Norman assaulted

April...a look back at a fun assignment at Federal Court. Sept. 22, 1988: Just another day on the job

May...a lot of people have forgotten about Sergio Pereira. I haven't. Corruption in South Florida: Here to stay

June...why does Aventura need a S.W.A.T. team? Aventura S.W.A.T. to al Qaeda: 'Bring it on!'

July...Miami Herald believes its mission is to bring South Floridians together. Here's a look at a headline that did anything but that. And now for some Kumbaya...brought to you by the folks at the Miami Herald

August...a clueless Miami politician forgets what happens when City Hall tries to tell Hollywood how to make movies.  'Burn Notice' producers remind Marc Sarnoff that TV explosions are fake

September...Republican Paul Ryan stops by the Versailles to drink some Cuban coffee...but as we learned last month, it didn't help him or Mitt Romney one bit. Stop me if you've heard this one before

October...the Miami Herald's Marc Caputo is one of the most persistent reporters...ever. After watching Marc Caputo question Sen. Marco Rubio, I'm convinced Rubio is guilty of something

November...a post I've been meaning to write for a few years. Isn't it time Miami named a street after Sam Cooke?

December...stumbling upon an old Miami Daily News story about Al Capone's first visit to Miami was like finding gold! The way we were...Jan., 1928: Al Capone visits Miami for the first time...It's 'warmer than California'