Friday, June 15, 2012

Aventura S.W.A.T. to al Qaeda: 'Bring it on!'

Don't could happen! And Aventura's SWAT team is ready.

What follows, is the story of what happens when a tiny police department in a relatively crime-free town gets an unlimited budget to buy all the razzle-dazzle crime-fighting gear it wants but doesn't need.

The City of Aventura in North Miami Dade County has a population of about 35,000.

But don't let the tiny size of Aventura (about 3.5 sq. miles) fool you. This ain't Mayberry.

Crime is rampant in Aventura.

There are all those red light runners on Biscayne Blvd. and the curfew violators at Aventura Mall. Okay, so I exaggerated a bit. Aventura is a relatively safe place to live. But that doesn't mean something bad won't happen.

And if it does, the Aventura Police Department is ready for anything.

According to the city's website, its police department has 80 full-time police officers, 39 civilian employees, and 15 volunteers.

Additionally, the department has a K-9 unit, a dive team and a S.W.A.T. team.

Yup, you read that right.

The police department in tiny Aventura has a ten-man SWAT Unit complete with a Command vehicle "to handle tactical operations which may be outside the scope of normal patrol activities. The team includes a SWAT medic, two snipers, and two team leaders," according to one description on the Internet. (Click here to see one of Aventura's "snipers" in action!)

Actual Aventura Police Dept. S.W.A.T. bumper sticker. (Click to enlarge)

That makes sense. Because, as we all know, when al-Qaeda finally comes to South Florida, they're probably heading straight for Aventura.

After all, what better way to bring America to its knees than by hitting the Cajun Grill or Cheesecake Factory at the Aventura Mall or the target-rich fairways at the golf course at the Turnberry Isle Resort?

Aventura's SWAT commander is so proud of his elite, battle-hardened band of brothers, he recently commissioned a professional photographer to take some sexy glamor shots that show off his team's steely resolve.

Photographer Jaime "Nisso" Chalem says on his website that shooting pics of the SWAT team was an "amazing experience."

Photograph by Nisso Studios.

The photos "Nisso" shot are unintentionally hilarious. (Click here to see all of "Nisso's" amazing shots of Aventura's SWAT team.)

"Not only did I get to spend the day with these guys, but I also got to see first hand how they train in order to accomplish their very dangerous missions," says "Nisso."

Dangerous missions?


The most serious hazard an Aventura cop faces is a severe case of writer's cramp after a day of writing traffic tickets on Biscayne Blvd.

"Nisso" also photographed the police department's dive team and K-9 unit.

About the dive team "Nisso" writes, "Besides having all kinds of cool equipment and toys, access to two boats and the super human ability to breath (sic) underwater, these guys do things that would almost make the Navy Seals jealous."

Aventura Police dive team member emerges from a water hazard on the 9th
hole at Turnberry Isle Golf Course. Photograph by Nisso Studios.

Really? Make the Navy Seals jealous? Jealous of whom? This guy?

I don't think any military unit is going to be jealous of Aventura's drugstore cowboys. 

Any idiot can pose for a camera. It's a little more difficult to produce results, though.

Almost two years ago Aventura's elite SWAT team managed to let a gunman escape in broad daylight after an hours-long stand-off on Biscayne Blvd. Just imagine the outcome had we sent these guys in after Osama bin Laden.

And the rest of this Keystone Cops-style police department ain't much better.

This is, after all, a police department that embarrassed itself on national TV and f**ked-up a major murder case because the department's lead crime scene investigator was screwing the lead homicide detective assigned to the case.

But, how dangerous a place can Aventura be when the address of its police department is 19200 West Country Club Drive and within spitting distance of a world-class golf course?

Note to Aventura SWAT's Sgt. Cosimo Castronovo: If you and your boys think that posing with all your toys makes you bad-ass, you're sadly mistaken. If you're really in charge of a macho, combat-ready outfit, why not arrange to hang out with some guys who are the real deal?

How about you and the boys spending a month or two training with these guys?

Can you cut it? I doubt it.

Until you do, Sarge, no matter how many pretty pictures you pose for, you and your crew will still be mall cops.


  1. i wonder if they use "flash/bang knishes" instead of grenades?

  2. Aventura taxpayers are idiots to be tolerating this nonsense. The Putz Patrol is a more suitable name for these wannabes. If they want to play war and be heroes, they should enlist in the armed forces!

  3. Or to put it another way, SWAT team arranges (paid?) for a photographer to take some “glamour shots” of the team members playing soldier. According to the googly-eyed photographer, “these guys do things that would almost make the Navy Seals jealous.” What “things”? It’s probably classified.

  4. There are so many police departments in Miami-Dade and we could save so much money consolidating under one SWAT unit.

    As a bonus we could also minimize these embarrassing fantasy sessions paid for with taxpayer money.

  5. Real message of that bumpersticker

    Aventura Police Dept. S.W.A.T.

    Because you never know when a @#$% Palestinian terrorist will try to play through!!

  6. John TWOMEY (FSD)June 18, 2012 10:19 AM

    Bill not quite sure why this upsets you so much. Most departments have SWAT teams that are used to respond to situations such as the one you sited from two years ago. They also are used to serve warrants which can be extremely dangerous situations, where that equipment you site becomes necessary for the officer's safety.

    Aventura became incorporated because its citizens wanted better services than the county could provide. That means a full service police department. Not saying their department is perfect, but I'm sure the citizens of Aventura are happier with their small pd than having to rely on the Miami-Dade PD.

    And Rolo, you do realize how big Dade County is right? Its not practical to have one SWAT unit for the entire county.

  7. I'm not upset at all.

    My point is that the photos are hilarious. If the Aventura SWAT team actually did some real SWAT operations once in a while they wouldn't need to take make believe pictures of themselves all dressed up playing soldier.

    Serve warrants? I don't know if you're from South Fla. If you were, you wouldn't make such a silly statement. Aventura has one of the lowest crime rates in South Fla.

    Yes, SWAT teams are used to serve warrants in high crime areas where there are drug houses etc. There's none of that in Aventura.

  8. I wonder how long it took the yahoos in these photos to look down and realize, "Darn, it didn't get any bigger at all?"

  9. I disagree. Like Jacksonville, we could operate under a Sheriff's system (an appointed one) which could field a large enough team to deal with county needs.

    The reason we have so many cites is that 1.) you are correct county government failed to provide adequate services; and 2.) Aspiring politicos wanted their own little kingdoms, guarded by their own special police departments.

    Do West Miami, Aventura, Key Biscayne need SWAT teams? No, the county needs to do its job, and if it fails boot those at the helm out of office.

  10. Another waste of tax payer dollars, al qaeda is out to get you give us your money.

  11. Check out Bal Harbor Police Depts 'specialized units'- they have more command officers than Miami Beach PD!

  12. trust when i tell you, that not everything that happens in aventura seems to make the news... where do you think all the scumbags from dade and broward county go to commit their crimes, robberies, burglaries, and thefts??? they go where the money is and where the dumb tourists hang out,,, AVENTURA MALL.

    also i believe their swat team is combined with north miami beach's swat team,, and there is also plenty of drug activity in rich old aventura,, but they like to keep all that stuff HUSH HUSH....

    so get your facts straight for your next "big story".


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