Newspaper Headline of the Year!

Now this is one fat cat!
Does SlimFast come in tuna flavor?

Joanie's WORLD EXCLUSIVE!!!!

Today Miami's Gossip Maven Extraordinaire follows up on her WORLD EXCLUSIVE!! report Sunday that CBS 4's Shannon Hori is having twins.Shannon and Angelina: "Mommyhood" is twice as nice!

Readers of Joanie's column hardly had a chance to catch their breath before Joanie followed up with yet another WORLD EXCLUSIVE!! Seems the results of Shannon's ultrasound are in and the 36 year-old anchor babe's going to have a boy AND a girl!! Joanie also reveals that Hori says her home nursery is painted yellow, but she'll likely ask husband Kendall Cogan to repaint it -- baby blue. WOW!!

Anyone care to guess how many more WORLD EXCLUSIVES!! Joanie will break on Shannon's twins before their birth in December??

Speaking of painting, Joanie also breaks the news this morning in another WORLD EXCLUSIVE!! that managers of the recently closed Palm Restaurant in Coral Gables have -- GASP!!!! -- painted the walls prior to turning the space the restaurant occupied back to the landlord!!!

Joan!! Stop it already! You're killing me with all these exclusives!!!!!!

Oh, and a question: They actually pay you to write this stuff??

"W" The movie ... 8 years too late!

Memo to police officers

FROM: Random Pixels Help Desk
TO: Police officers everywhere
SUBJECT: Proper conduct on the street

Just a reminder in case any of you have been living under a rock for the past 20 years...everybody has a camera now. Conduct yourselves accordingly.

Mayor Manny Diaz says: "I'm keeping my day job!"

The other day I sent Miami mayor Manny Diaz an email with a link to my recent post that talked about the re-design of the Miami Herald.Tongue-in-cheek, I congratulated him on his new position.

The mayor has a great sense of humor and e-mailed me back with a few observations.

The exchange is pasted below:
--

RE: Congratulations Mr Mayor!‏
From: Diaz, Manuel A (Mayor) (MannyDiaz@miamigov.com)
Sent: Mon 7/28/08 12:58 PM
To: (newshawk@gmail.com)

Good advice, though I am confident that Sean and I could shake things up.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [mailto:newshawk@gmail.com]
Sent: Sunday, July 27, 2008 7:20 PM
To: Diaz, Manuel A (Mayor)
Subject: RE: Congratulations Mr Mayor!

Mr Mayor

You're right, the way things are going at the Herald I recommend that you stay right where you are!

bill

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: RE: Congratulations Mr Mayor!
Date: Sun, 27 Jul 2008 19:15:23 -0400
From: MannyDiaz@miamigov.com
To: newshawk@gmail.com

Very funny. However, I will not be quitting my day job.

Manny

Miami Herald prints pornography on Page 1!

If you get the Miami Herald delivered at home and you have young children, you may want to keep them from looking at the front page of Saturday's Herald.

The Herald printed pornography on page one today.

No, not the wet, gooey, sloppy, in your face money shot kind of porn!

This is a more subtle form of pornography. In this case it's all about prostitution.

Look, right there on the front page image, the red box in the lower right hand corner.The Herald has shamelessly "whored" out page one, printing an ad that masquerades as a story, for the "Foundering Money Pit on Watson Island" AKA Parrot Jungle Island or Jungle Island. The only thing missing is a picture of a spread-eagled Biscayne Blvd. hooker.

I use the term "money pit" because the City of Miami and Miami-Dade County have propped this loser up with "loans" that Jungle Island has had trouble making payments on.

But you'll find no mention of that unpleasantness in this morning's breezy 350 word puff piece on Jungle Island's newest residents; 9 cute and rambunctious endangered lemurs from Madagascar.

The story goes on to tell us that for a mere $45 visitors can reserve a 45 minute "human play date" that will let them frolic with these hyperactive creatures that make "squeaking, clucking, growling, chattering and barking sounds." Who could resist cavorting with animals with names like Teddy Bear, Honey Bear, Smokey, Cujo, Amber, Goldie, Sophie, Jacket or Moley?

So, Who Wants to Date a Lemur?

The question I have for the editors at the Herald is simple: Why are you publishing what essentially is a press release for a tourist attraction on page one? Have you completely lost your minds?

Perhaps this is a new service the Herald is offering failing South Florida businesses.

If you have a business that's in trouble, for a small fee they'll send a reporter and photographer to your location and do a story that will run on the front page of the Herald.

Warning! It's gonna cost you!

But just think of all the potential customers you'll reach by having a story about your business featured on the front page of South Florida's most prestigious information source!

If this sounds good to you, just e-mail Herald editor Anders Gyllenhaal and tell him you want the same deal Jungle Island got. In no time you'll be on page one!

Tell him I sent you!